i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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