listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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