It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
