eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
