Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
