Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
