she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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