Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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