There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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