6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
