belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
