Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Congratulations! We have a period
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