is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
