if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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