Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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