i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
