Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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