Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
