i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize