Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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