I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
