On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
