Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
