Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
