It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So vagazzling was a success
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