guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
