if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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