am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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