did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
