ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
