"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I supernannyed him into submission
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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