well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
