Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
