Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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