Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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