God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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