Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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