I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
