I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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