Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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