Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
