you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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