I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize