You work out of a Hotel?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
