grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
