I wanna bring you to show and tell
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
