how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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