I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
