I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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