Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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