I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
