I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize