u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
