I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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