and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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