turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
