everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
