U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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