my cup is half full, half full of rum.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
