I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
