I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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