and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
