I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
