She is in my trunk
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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