I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
