Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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