You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
