a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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