My room smells like vodka and shame
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
