i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
